puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
