I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
