Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize