need another drink. this is the easiest way
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
