I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
