you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
