Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
