I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
