I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
