There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
