What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
