Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
