There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize