eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
nutella sex= disaster
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
