her vagina looked like bernie madoff
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
