omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
