I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize