Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
