Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
