remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
