i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
