Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
