If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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