I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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