All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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