My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
