Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
