So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
