Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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