Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
