New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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