Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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