remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
