I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
