id be glad to
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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