Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
