just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
