Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
