i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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