Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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