dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
nutella sex= disaster
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
