'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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