I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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