As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
