we have pet lesbian snakes
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and she was petting her beer can
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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