I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
