I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Two words: nipple clamps
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