i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
