It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
