Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
