she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My life is pants optional.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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