I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
