i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
