its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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