Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
