So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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