sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
