just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
