Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
