Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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