Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
