oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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