P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
