I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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