She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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