I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
