fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
