i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize