Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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